Sometimes people do things knowing that it would make you get up and leave them. It could be to push you away because they are too cowardly to be bold and say it outright.
No matter, it hurts…
You knew that I would leave.
That I would gather my things under the weight of your inconsiderateness. That I wouldn’t stand for your offer. A weak, feeble one. Broken and lacking promises
That being the lioness I am, I would fight you, ferociously.
You wanted me to act that way. So it would be easier for you to leave, so that you could say, at least I tried.
I gave it my best.
I did all that I can.
But we both know you didn’t. When we met, the fire you showed me paled in comparison to how it was in the end.
You would have followed me to the end of the Earth, or I least I thought you would have. You were so real, so tangible, so unlike the rest. And yet you were exactly like the rest.
Pretending you were something else until you couldn’t anymore. And then you stopped, making me believe this was the right thing. It wasn’t working, it made sense, you couldn’t right now.
But it didn’t make sense. It wasn’t you that has cried every night. It wasn’t you that had to delete every single memory or lest I would never stop looking at them. It wasn’t you that had to throw away every single item of clothing because no matter how much I washed it I couldn’t get rid of your smell.
It wasn’t you that wrote messages and the deleted them and then wrote again, working yourself into a frenzy.
It wasn’t you that felt so low every time we met. Knowing that one day you would forget me. I would finally fall to the bottom of your contact list. I wouldn’t be important anymore.
In fact you, didn’t feel anything. You claimed you did, but it would never be close to mine. It would never be close to the torment I feel of being so close to love and yet so far.
Almost as if it never existed.
And you knew that.